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THE EARLY YEARS........
I
was born in a small one room house in Indiana not far from Gary, IN but still in the middle munchkin land central. The twelfth
child born to black migrant sharecropper family living well below the federal poverty level, our house had tires but
our car had none and was sitting on cinder blocks in the front yard. After I was weaned I started walking to the public library
and began reading books by J. K. Rowling, The Harry Potter series, Harry's schooling was almost identical to mine, EXCEPT
I went to college and he didn't! One day while I was waiting for the next book in the series to be released I had an epiphany
in technicolor I heard a voice from above say Go West Young Man! It was like this Dude was speaking directly to me in Ozzy
Osbourne voice, only louder! (If you're past the age of puberty you want to substitute Horace Greeley for This Dude and
Charlton Heston for Ozzy Osbourne. It might also be easier to understand if you switch the word Shrooms to a Valium with a
Tequila chaser) And no I hadn't been smokin or doing shooms, I quit that shit years ago! So what a man to do, I started
by picking up and saving empty coke cans and beer bottles, two weeks later I had enough save up to buy new slightly used one
owner skateboard. The next morning I packed up my video games, a six pack of red bull, a hand full of slim jim's, my skateboard
and headed out the door, sometimes a man got to do what a man got do, Dude! I jumped on I-80 chasing the sun to the promised
land of swimming pools and movie stars! Somewhere between Cheyenne and Salt lake City I passed a beard hippie type dude I
think his name was Forrest, Forrest Gump. While I rolled westward I listen to Neil Diamond sing We're coming to America
as I continued on my journey to the land of my forefathers Not!!! Actually my I-Pod is maxed out with Black Sabbath, Metallica,
Noise Pollution with a little Ozzy Osbourne to keep me chilled out in the summer sun, the only reason I mentioned Neil Diamond
was to make my mom happy and not to lose my PG-13 site rating. Next month I'll write about my ill fated attempt to set
a new land speed record at Bonneville salt flats with a parachute and my skateboard. I did make it to the hospital in thirty
minutes or less, Thank You Domino's! Followed by Running a Muck in Winnemucca, Dating Miss Vicky in Virginia city, and
finally closing with Slim Pickings on Donner Pass. Oh Well, You win some, you lose some, and some are rained out. But my motto
has always been "VENI VIDI VICI" I Came, I Saw, I Conquered! and California was calling me. Feet don't fail
me I've got 700 miles to go to see my baby!
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| Put the camera down Old man and let's start opening my presents! |
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NUMBER 1 SON
Number One Son is currently weathering
out the economic sinkhole we are in by diversifying his talents between to two companies. By day He is a in-house computer
repair technician for a major retailer and at night he does retail sales in the gas and oil industry. Hobbies included,
Custom building high end computers, auto repair, and video gaming, He is also a Retired Drift car driver and trick
skateboard performer.
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| DRAGONFLY DOWN BY A HAIL STORM |
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THE REALLY EARLY YEARS A long long
time ago on the central coast not the central valley I was born, life was much simpler then but I'm getting ahead of
myself. Even before I was born I was creating problems for my parents, on one visit to my moms obstetrician, she was informed
there was two of us inside of her, mom was very happy about this and celebrated with a phone call back to the mothership,
three scoops vanilla ice cream and a couple of cigarettes. Three weeks later the doctor informed mom that my wombmate was
gone, I never saw anybody! A couple months later mommy started a yoga class, I think the instructor name was Mz. La Maze and
to this date my mother swears she was a Thespian! Mommy must have really over done did because daddy had to take us to hospital
in the middle of the night. The ER doctors hoed and hummed for a while then looked at each other and said road trip, the next
thing I know we were being moved into another office. This room had a small ultrasound machine and not so small doctor, after
rubbing a whole lot of cold greasy kids stuff all over mommies tummy she started staring at the radar screen all of a sudden
she yelled Eureka I found it! The problem? No just her lost earring and last weeks missing Lotty ticket under her lunch trough.
My mothers problem was were my unbila cord attach to her placenta was blocking my womb with a view escape route. I think it's
called Placenta praevia. We went home a couple of days later and mom had her normal extra large bowl of chocolate ice
cream, quickly followed by the ice cream headache, a couple more cigarettes, and finally the mandatory phone call back to
motherland. Two weeks later we made another mad dash to the hospital at one forty in the morning, this time mom was leaking
all over bed, the floor and the towels. At the hospital we were immediately admitted to the maternity floor for observation.
The next morning mom enjoyed listening to a couple of cassette tapes including her new Lionel Richie tape. Upon returning
back to the room after a doctor appointment mommy discovers that her Lionel Richie tape had mystery disappeared from our hospital
room, mom was not a happy camper! Because mommy had loss so much amniotic fluid the doctors wanted a hundred percent bed rest
for us, no walking outside the Emergence Room to smoke any more cigarettes, or trips the bathroom. Somebody decided it would
be in mom's best interest to be catheterize, Big mistake Bucko! So in less than twenty four hours they had done a ultrasound
of us, stuck IV into mom's hand, took away her Cowboys killers 100s (Marlboro cigarettes), stole her new cassette tape,
and now they wanted to place a catheter in her where? I'm not quite sure if it was the technique in the placement was
lacking, the size of catheter, or combination of these, but every five to ten minutes mom keep pushing the Call button and
complaining about the pain from the catheter. After five hours mommy had talks with her nurse, the head nurse, and now the
Director of Nursing Service's was in route to our room. The nursing staff had just about had it with Mommy Dearest! The
Director of nurse services plays her high card and tolled mommy that, This is a military hospital and you will do as we say
or we will call your husband in and write him a letter of Counseling, Admonition, or Reprimand, and this will be placed in
his permanent record and could have an adverse affect on his career! Mommy plays her trump card! He is retired! Write him
up and he will laugh at you and if you are lucky he'll throw it the trash can, He's retired what don’t you understand!
A few moments later the three nurses turn around and started to leave quietly as they walked out the door there was dad leaning
against the wall smiling! Ten minutes later a nurse came in and removed the offending catheter. After dinner Dad wheeled us
outside the ER so she could light up again. Later that night after we got semi comfortable in the hospital mom went into labor
again, I wanted out but the doctors said NO, NO, NO! and they keep giving her drugs to keep her out of labor the only problem
was her heart was beating twice as fast as mine. After a few days things started to get a little better and dad bought in
a new computer to help pass the time and help mom get over her computer phoebe, Big mistake! My dad created a monster that
day. For the early years of my life I keep hearing Techno music running thought my mind, only years later I would find out
that the melodies were the background music to Jungle Jim, Asteroids, and Packman so much for being a music prodigy, cancel
my piano lessons. But I digress, back to the hospital and a crib built for two, things took a turn for the worst and the
team of doctors keep upping the drug dosage for mommy, her heart was now beating fast than a Humming bird wings. Summit
on the Golf course, The doctors feared a very premature birth so the options were Air Evac (air ambulance) us to Vacaville
or Fresno, or an hour and half ambulance ride to Ventura. The Golf Pros said that mom's hospitalization might be three
to five days after delivery and for me ... Stay turned for next month offering with Mister Toad Beach Tour and Wild Ambulance
Ride, A shopping trip to Ensenada, Mexico for French pastry and Cabbage patch doll clothes, Mom learns to express herself,
and so much more! Short note about my mom, each time my mom the tells the story of her pregnancy and my
birth things seem change a little bit every time, My birth weight drops a couple of ounces and the gestation period gets a
day or two shorter each time, sometime next decade my birth weight will equal a negative number and my time in utero will
be equal to the first time she smile at my dad plus or minus twenty minutes. With the birth of my little brother she tells
the story that the hospital had to bring in The Jaws of Life to remove her hands from the hospital bed railing and that she
left fingerprints permanently embedded into the grab rails in the delivery room. Thank God it wasn't another episiotomy
or a thousand hour labor horror story! I think some of my great-aunts' own all the copyrights on all of them. I
guess men tell fishing stories and women constantly revise they birthing experiences!
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| DAD... DID YOU REALLY READ YOUR SON PROFILE LOL! GEE DID I REALLY WRITE ALL THAT ! |
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